There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize