we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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