exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
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He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just had sex on a roof
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize