and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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