So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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