You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
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Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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