I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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