wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've blown a few things in my day
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize