The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
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No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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