guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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