Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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