if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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