My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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