operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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