and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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