Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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