got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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