At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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