I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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