He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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