I'm lost and stupid without you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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