She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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