you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
third nipple confirmed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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