Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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