you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sext me about skeletons
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize