I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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