half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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