and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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