Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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