Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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