I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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