btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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