i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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