I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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