I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize