I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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