i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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