She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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