GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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