i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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