My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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