I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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