I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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