no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he thought i was a dude.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize