i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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