Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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