I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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