so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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