Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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