Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize