took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
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being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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