Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize