Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Randomize
Follow @tfln