Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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