Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize