You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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